Saturday, May 26, 2012

Shiki Kukai : t'ai chi

This was written for the May Shiki kukai at haikuworld.org.

The theme for the Free Format section was "Morning Habits"

The results are out. It managed a total of 5 points. Not too bad, I guessed. There even was a comment : **i did a few t'ai chi classes with my daughter a number of years ago, and remember the lovely calming feel of the exercises. i like the juxtaposition of the natural movement of the mantis here **

I would like to thank those readers who voted for me, especially the one who wrote the above comment. :)





photo by boqueron
image from morguefile.com




t'ai chi

This was the one that was submitted :



t'ai chi at sunrise -

a mantis
dances in the morning





This was the original draft.



t'ai chi
just before the sun rises

a mantis
dances in the morning


11/05/2012
**********




Which one is better, what do you think?

Doesn't seem to have much of a difference, does it? For the submission, I sent in a 3 lined work, to keep to the tradition, but I am actually leaning towards the original draft.



© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ), 2012

6 comments:

ashok said...

:) i have never tried a haiku...u inspire me to try one...

dsnake1 said...

i think you will have no problems with that. :)

Ravenblack said...

Interesting that the mantis can mean the insect, the man doing the ta chi or the form of it. Very cool, dsnake. :)

dsnake1 said...

tai chi is a form of exercise where its movements are graceful, as in a dance, but at the same time it is also a martial art. when i wrote this, i was thinking the mantis can be the insect itself or the man doing the tai chi, but your comment adds a new dimension to it. it can mean the very form of the art itself. :)

thanks!

Jonathan said...

t'ai chi at sunrise -

a mantis
dances in the morning

This short 3 lines means alot!

I LOVE IT!

dsnake1 said...

thank you, Jonathan, for your comments. glad you like the haiku. :)